Archive for Steelers and the NFL

Steelers – Ravens, V2.0

Steelers – Ravens v2.0.  Nuff said.  A Steelers win keeps their slim playoff hopes alive, while it DOESN’T eliminate the ratbirds from the tournament of champions.  This should be a good, nasty, dirty game.  Now, a preview as the Vest sees it….

Gay Ray enters the field. Gay Ray gets all knifey again

Screaming: “Wooooo.  Dogs in the house!  Praise the Lord and this glorious day!”

Inaudibly: “Imma get all stabby again today.  Aint no Steelers gonna take down Gay Ray and the Ratbirds”.

<Ray stabs multiple players after piling on a tackle for a five yard gain>

Gay Ray:  “Huh?  Whatchu talking about?  What blood?  Praise the Lord.  Everyone calls me big brother Ray.  I’m way holier than Tony Dungy.  I would never harm a fellow brother.”

Inaudibly:  “Damn.  How Immma gonna get outta dis one.  Snap!  I know…”

Mr Wolf:  “So what seems to be the problem here.  Oh… I see what the problem is.  Well, just listen to the Wolf, and everything will be ok”

Five minutes later….

Gay Ray:  “What blood?  I tolz you Brother Ray can’t hurt a fellow brother”

Inaudibly:  “Note to self…  kill da Wolf when I get out.  Cracker knows too much”

Advertisements

Steelers

So, the Steelers, Superbowl champions, have lost twice to the Bengals, once to the Raiders, Chefs, and Bears, but defeated the Vikings, Chargers, and Broncos. What is wrong with this picture? Can you say “playing down to your opponent”? WTF mate? If the coaching staff can’t get the team up to play the crap teams of the NFL, then how can they win in the playoffs? Ugh!

Steelers – Ravens

The Village People called and they want their look back.

Almost time for the Steelers – Ratbird throwdown. The Vest has to come clean and confess that the Ratbirds are the most despicable, hated team in the NFL. This blog isn’t big enough to describe all the hate that is felt towards “Balteemore”. So, I’ll just plagarize another website and list some good Ravens jokes.

Q: What do you call 53 people sitting around a TV watching the
Super Bowl?
A: The Baltimore Ravens

Q: How do you keep a Baltimore Raven out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Where do you go in Baltimore in case of a tornado?
A: M&T Stadium – they never have a touchdown there

Q: What do you call a Baltimore Raven with a Super Bowl ring?
A: An old thief.

Q: Why doesn’t Annapolis have a professional football team?
A: Because then Baltimore would want one.

Q: What’s the difference between the Baltimore Ravens & a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Baltimore Ravens and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: How many Baltimore Ravens does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out.

Q: What do the Baltimore Ravens and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ!”

The Ben is a bit woozy

Well, it turns out that the owie that Ben got on his headspot was a little worse than expected. A couple more concussions, and the Ben will owe some brain cells. All hail Dennis Dixon.  Maybe Arians will actually incorporate a few runs into the game plan.

My head feels all "pew pew"

Bitch Peyton

This just in…. the Manning family is suing Fox over a recent episode of Family Guy in which Stewie creates a somewhat dumber clone of himself to take care of the day to day activities for which he has no desire to do.  The Mannings are alleging that the idea was stolen from the family’s attempt to clone Peyton years ago so that they would have two superstar QB’s in the family.  The resemblence is uncanny.
 

Stewie and Bitch Stewie

Peyton and Bitch Peyton

 I suggest Fox save on legal fees and break out the ole checkbook.

Week 12 picks

10 of 16.  Below the Vest’s average, but not bad.

Green Bay at Detroit – Packers. Never bet on Detroit.

Oakland at Dallas – I went out on a limb and it paid off last week. No limb this week. I’m homo for Romo.
N.Y. Giants at Denver – Do the Broncos bounce back? Nope. Gents.  Coughlin just made my enemies list.  Brandon Jacobs netted the Vest a whopping 5 points in the loss.  Bitch Peyton is not Peyton.  Run the damn ball already.

Seattle at St. Louis – Turd bowl. Rams at home. 

Carolina at N.Y. Jets – Turd bowl II. Painters.

Tampa Bay at Atlanta – Falcoons.

Miami at Buffalo – Dolphins

Washington at Philadelphia – Fat Reid > lame duck Zorn

Cleveland at Cincinnati – Bungles

Indianapolis at Houston – Indy. Never, never, never bet on the Tixans

Jacksonville at San Francisco – Turd bowl III. Niners at home

Kansas City at San Diego – Marmalard > Matt “I’m better than Scott Mitchell” Cassell

Chicago at Minnesota – Farva sulk > Cutler sulk

Arizona at Tennessee – Cards. However, Fisher will get a few fist pumps.

Pittsburgh at Baltimore – Steelers > the purple camo brigade

New England at New Orleans – Mole face > pretty face

Steelers – Chefs random thoughts

This just in. The Steelers special teams suck. Nice knowing you, Jeff Reed.  I look forward to bidding on your Superbowl rings on e-bay.

Soooo, the Fetus has as many TD tosses as Ray Lewis has tackles.  Too bad Baltymoore has field turf and Ray has nothing to lick this week.  Except my ass.  Booyah.

Chefs are making a game of it.  Leave it to the Steelers to play down to the competition.

Wow.  Someone remind me why I picked up the Lions D.

Bizarro world….Steelers tied with the Chefs and going into OT.  What’s next, a black president?

Nice game Steelers.  You just lost to Kansas City.

No more bye weeks!

UPDATE: So, 12 of 13.  Not bad.  Should I henceforth be known as “Vest the Greek”?

Finally. No more bye weeks. Bye weeks are just a way for the man to keep us, the degenerate gamblers, dazed and confused. On to the picks!

Indianapolis at Baltimore  Fetus > Unibrow Bert.  Nuff said.
Seattle at Minnesota  Farva beans > Hasselbackpain
New Orleans at Tampa Bay  I won’t dignify this one with a response
Atlanta at N.Y. Giants  Hmmm.  Tough one.  Gents at home.
Washington at Dallas  Gentiles > Jews
Pittsburgh at Kansas City  No Troy, no problem.
Buffalo at Jacksonville  Ugh.  Who cares.  Jags, since I have to pick
Cleveland at Detroit  See above.  Lions at home.
San Francisco at Green Bay  Another crap fest.  Pack at home.
Arizona at St. Louis  The chosen QB returns to the temple to stick it to Judas.
Cincinnati at Oakland  Limb, I am coming way out on you.  Raiders
San Diego at Denver  Marmalard > no spleen albino
N.Y. Jets at New England  Pats.  However, Rex Ryan will eat a Patriot at some point
Philadelphia at Chicago  White choker = black choker.  I’m going with black choker

Week 8 and 9 picks

Well, The Vest has been slacking at blogging, but busy at work. Last week, The Vest went 7 for 11 in the weekly NFL picks. You don’t have to take the Vest’s word for it, as Summit’s has the picks well documented.

For Week 9, here are the winners and losers….

BAL @ CIN     RATBIRDS BY TWO STABBINGS 

HOU @ IND COLTS.  PEY-PEY > SLEEPY EYES

GB @ TB   THE BAY OF GREEN.  UGH. 

ARI @ CHI   DA BEARS BY THREE SULKS 

KC @ JAC   WHO CARES.  REALLY.  JAGS 

MIA @ NE  THE BUFFET, ESTEBAN, JLOANTHONYS IN AN UPSET

WAS @ ATL FALCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONS  

CAR @ NO   AINTS. 

PROP BET SPECIAL!  DELHOMMES INTS > PARIS HILTON STD.  TAKE DELHOMME 

DET @ SEA  AGAIN, WHO CARES.  IF A GAME IS PLAYED IN SEATTLE AND NOBODY WATCHES, DID THE GAME REALLY HAPPEN.  SEABAGS 

TEN @ SF NINERS.  VY WILL PLAY JUST WELL ENOUGH TO STICK AROUND FOR ANOTHER YEAR AND RUIN ANOTHER TITANS SEASON

SD @ NYG  GENTS.  GONNA BE WINDY, AND FOREVER BE KNOWN AS THE FLOAT BOWL 

DAL @ PHI IGGLES.  ROMO PURPOSELY GETS ROY WILLIAMS KILLED OVER THE MIDDLE.  CRIMINAL CHARGES PENDING

PIT @ DEN   THE MEN OF STEEL.  MCDOUCHEBAG AND THE NECK BEARD GO DOWN HARD

The Vest’s weekly NFL picks – Week 7 – *Updated*

The Vest goes 9 for 13.  I’ll post up my low cost 1-800 number later today.

Indianapolis at St. Louis  Duh!  Indy.

   
New England at Tampa Bay  Double Duh!  Patsies.  How is this a home game for Tampa?  Bloody hell!    
San Francisco at Houston  Ugh.  Who cares.  Since I have to pick, I’ll take the home team.    
Minnesota at Pittsburgh  Minnefarva.  Ha!  Just kidding.  Roll on Steelers.    
San Diego at Kansas City  Marmalard all the way.    
Green Bay at Cleveland  Packers.    
N.Y. Jets at Oakland  Jets.  The Raiders can’t win two in a row.    
Buffalo at Carolina  Ugh.  I wouldn’t watch this on if they played it on Kim Kardashian’s ass, which is big enough.  Home team Panthers.    
Chicago at Cincinnati  Da Bears.     
New Orleans at Miami  Aints keep rolling.    
Atlanta at Dallas  Falcons! Falcons!  Falcons!  Sorry Ammo Guy.    
Arizona at N.Y. Giants  Gents.    
     
Philadelphia at Washington  Worst MNF ever!  Iggles.

« Previous entries